You Are So Intensely Mine
by XxMoonStarsSpacexX
Summary: 20 year old Susannah develops a dirty habit; soon, however, she discovers things that could change her life forever- maybe being a mediator isn't so bad after all.
1. Oh it is um, lust?

_Dear lovely, faithful, talented young people of FF, _

_I have been away for almost a full year (not that you missed me) and I'm not going to attempt giving any crappy excuses. All I have to say is that I'm sorry I left you for this long. But, there are circumstances to my return. Because of events 6 months ago, I have a quarter leisure time and so I will not be able to reply to any reviews (I'll try), read any stories or review them(again, I'll try), because of my obsession with this site last year, and I can't afford to go back to that, as it badly affected my marks. _

_Now, I apologise for any content you may count as... graphic. For those you think babies come from shops or fall from the sky, stop reading NOW. Alternatively, you can ask your parents about sex. Also, I'd like to apologise (and I'm being serious now)for anyone who has been through anything in this story, which may affect them emotionally, I really am sorry since it's pretty insensitive- but it's part of the story. _

_Finally, I'm really sorry to all those who tried to keep in touch with me and I didn't reply. So, this story is dedicated to:_

_Emily, Megan, Nicole_

* * *

**Oh, is it... um, lust?**

Hardwood floors and mosaic tiled tables surrounded Susannah Simon; her blue summer dress hanging just above her knees and the chest being low cut just enough for it to look seductive, but not slutty. Goose pimples popped up on her bare arms and legs as a cool breeze fluttered through the door she had just opened. Susannah's painted red painted lips spread into a wide, excited, pleasant smile as she spotted two of her best friends sitting at one of the artistically small tables, gazing into each other's eyes amusedly, and huge grins plastered on their faces. Adam McTavish turned from Cee Cee Webb and looked directly at her, who was beginning to feel apprehensive holding her tiny white purse. Her winked at her jokingly and motioned for her to sit in front of the couple. Cee Cee had followed Adam's gaze and gave an excitable glance intended only for Susannah.

"Cee!" Susannah rushed to the table, almost tripping over her own feet. "Oh my god, it's so great to see you! How long have you been gone now? I've missed you so much!" She embraced her friend, almost crushing her back and choking her, but Cee Cee didn't seem to mind.

"Er, around 3 months I think. And I missed you too Suze."

"Tell me all about it," Adam intoned. "Can't a guy have his girlfriend for more than a minute?" Cee Cee squealed with happiness as Adam grabbed her round her waist, tickling her on her flat stomach. She turned and kissed him on the cheek quickly, before facing Susannah again who was now seated on one of the dainty chairs round the small 4 chaired table. Her white purse in her lap, jigging a little as Susannah impatiently made her foot dance.

"Who're we waiting for then Suze?" Cee Cee asked, her violet eyes bright.

"Oh, just Paul now," her eyes flickered to the door briefly.

"Great!" Cee Cee brightened even further. "I haven't spoken to him since before my last trip to China... and what was that, like 8 months ago?! Man we have loads to catch up on." Just as she finished speaking an enthusiastic Paul Slater poked his pretty head of highlighted hair through the bell-ringing door, blue eyes searching avidly for the threesome. He began jogging towards them, hugging Cee Cee tightly and man-slapping Adam's back (with Adam wincing slightly). He toned down a little when he saw Susannah. Crouching to get round to sit next to her, he smiled politely, resting his hand for a millisecond and pulling back as if she was on fire.

"You look nice Suze." Then realising the other two companions were in front of him he added, "You all look nice." Cee Cee winked knowingly, her snow white hair shimmering like a thousand diamonds in the light of the sun. She took his hands in her own and squeezed them, exclaiming how she had so much to tell him. And with that, the two long lost friends started a deep conversation, both of them looking like hyper children being given sweets with extra E-numbers.

Susannah glanced at Adam as he moved his eyes to the left, where they both knew the toilets were round the corner. Susannah sighed. Her Emerald eyes looked guiltily down at the plate of fries in between the four, served as a cheap starter. Suddenly Adam stood up,

"I think I need to whizz." He said nonchalantly. Cee Cee giggled,

"Ew, Adam!"

Susannah stood up almost reluctantly,

"Yeah, I, er, need to freshen up." She smiled weakly at Paul and Cee Cee before extracting herself from their tight squeeze. She and Adam made their way to where the separate toilets were. Susannah could feel Adam's eyes on her- or rather her ass. And she wasn't going to lie, she liked how it felt. But as she placed her hand on the ladies room door to push it open, and was pulled back by Adam's firm but soft hand, she couldn't deny either that she wasn't drenched in regret and guilt.

Then again, when Adam did lead her into one of the men's room stalls, whispering in her ear how he needed her, how he wanted her, how it ached not being with her, Susannah willingly put down her white purse by the sinks and wedge herself into the stall.

She hardly felt anything but passion when Adam kissed her neck, her collarbone, his hands wandering down her back, running through her hair, telling her they had to be quick. But the passion wasn't for Adam. She wasn't thinking about him as he allowed her to wind her legs around him, or when he touched her thighs, or when he pulled the skirt of her dress up. She didn't protest when he stripped his lower half careful not to stop touching her, kissing her. All she could think about was-

Jesse.

* * *

Six minutes later, they emerged from the stall. Susannah with a sheen of sweat all over her, her legs shaking slightly from the thrill of having sex so shamelessly and publically. Adam, avoiding looking at her and washing his face quickly. He left the room first, mumbling he'd see her in a bit. Susannah stood in front of the mirror, having successfully covered any signs of her going through any physical exertion. She had re-applied her red lipstick, re-done her hair and placed a smile on her face, hating herself with every move she made.

This thing between her and Adam... it was something she couldn't resist to do. It wasn't because she felt anything for him. It was because she couldn't let go of her emotions in any other way. The thrill of cheating was so huge it satisfied her... only for a while. It's not that she didn't enjoy Adam, he was good, and she just didn't care for him like that. She didn't really know why he was cheating. She suspected it had something to do with the fact that he hadn't had Cee Cee around. But she was here now- maybe he just got used to how Susannah worked?

Susannah left the room, like it was evidence that might incriminate her. Both empty hands clutching at her dress anxiously she turned the corner, smiled and hurried over to her friends.

"What took you so long Suze?" Cee Cee asked, a smile in her voice. Adam was already sitting next to her, his arm around her waist.

_Oh if only you knew_, thought Susannah.

Paul stared at Susannah, like he'd seen her for the first time in months. The he stood up to let Susannah through. She sat down and thanked him. The Paul said,

"We should probably order something," then switching to his annoying, punch inducing face, he turned to the waitress, "Yoo Hoo! Boobs!" he called. The waitress turned round, not at all impressed and looking a little offended as she crossed her arms over her very big cleavage; this seemed to only make it bigger. She came over anyway, a small pad in her hand, and a pencil behind her ear. She took everyone's orders, and when Paul gave her a smack on her ass before she left, she didn't glare, she giggled, obviously transfixed by his perfect looks.

Cee Cee kicked Paul under the table,

"You bastard." And then she smiled, "I'm glad you've advanced from called them 'pretty boobies' though. Paul simply smirked. First their drinks came, and Paul's coke was so huge and he ordered so many, it wasn't a surprise he left to go to the toilet.

Susannah was just in the middle of talking to Cee Cee about one of the natives in a Chinese village when her heart started beating uncontrollably. _Shit, _she thought. She had left her purse in the men's room on the side of the sinks. _Shit, shit, shit. _She stood up and without a word rushed to the toilets, attempting to steal herself into the men's room, praying that the door wouldn't squeak or creak. But right ahead of her was a very pale Paul Slater, holding a delicate white leather purse, pearly beads all round the edge and opening flap of it, a tiny _S.S. _embroidered in the corner. Susannah closed her eyes in misery and felt her throat close up. Paul had already seen her and the purse.

"Er, so is there any way you can convince me that while you were in the _ladies_ room a dog stole this from you and put it in the _men's _room so that I'm not convinced you and Adam just had se-"

"Stop!" Susannah raised her voice and tried to be firm but her voice was quivering. "Paul, you're one of my best friends. You have to understand, what Adam and I do... it doesn't mean anything; we don't even like each other like that."

"So, what, I like you but you won't even consider me? I don't even want you to sleep with me, I just want you to- Ok I do want you to sleep with me- but that's not the point. Why Adam?"

"Because, it wouldn't be fair on you if I lead you on, and with Adam it's no strings attached. Please," Susannah pleaded, "Please don't tell anyone. Please?"

Paul softened, and his ice blue eyes looked straight into her emerald ones, almost like x-rays. "Ok... but try and stop, Suze. Not for me, for Cee."

"Thank you."

"No, don't. I'm really disappointed Suze. You betrayed the one of the only people who really knows you. Well, I guess not." He left the room, making Susannah feel as though someone had just stabbed her heart a thousand times and wedged the blade out over and over again. Susannah was holding the purse Paul hand just handed to her on his way out. She made her way to the table, wiping her face and fanning it to stop it looking blotchy.

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_Review please ___


	2. CC Celebrity

_Dear amazingly fantastic readers and reviewers. _

_First of all, I'd just like to say that I love you all. You really do make me smile and feel great about writing. Unfortunately I haven't had time to even reply to the reviews I got, but thank you all so much, I loved them. Just to answer general questions/misunderstandings. You will find in this and other chapters that some things in the book never happened in this story. Otherwise, any questions you have message me and I'll try to reply individually, but I might resort to replying in here instead. Oh, and I do mention Steve Irwin in what you might think to be the present tense... that's because for those of you who haven't calculated it, this story is set in 2004. Please, enjoy, read and review. _

_Disclaimer: I don't own anything from the mediator series, or any mention to Steve Irwin. _

**C.C. Celebrity**

"U free 2?"

"Ye Wasup?"

"Cn U meet me+evry1 else the mall?"

"Ye wats goin on?"

"Its a srprse :)"

"Cnt w8! C U thn X"

Susannah flipped her phone shut after sending her text to Cee Cee. She had woken up that morning tired after having stayed up most of the night worrying about Paul and his... discovery. Her eyes had been puffy, but she managed to maintain her careless attitude, swinging her feet around loosely and leaning forward on her elbows of the hard, sun-warm countertop. The shorts she was wearing came to mid-thigh and were purposely frayed in various places. Her white t-shirt was a little loose on her since she'd lost weight. A little too much weight, as her mother pointed out frequently.

"Are you not supposed to be at work?" the exotically foreign accent made Susannah jump and her stomach flutter apprehensively.

"Jesus, Jesse. You scared me half to death." She turned to face him and squinted in the mid-morning sun. Jesse noted how the light made her glossy hair and emerald eyes glow gold. She was beautiful. She always had been. "No," Susannah continued, answering Jesse's question, "Paul gave me the day off, he said I need it with how Mr. Slater's been behaving recently." Jesse purred angrily like a cat at the mention of Paul's name.

"I do not see- why you are such close friends with him?"

"First of all, it's why _are you_ such close friends with him, and second of all, because he's sweet, and kind, and he isn't condescending like you."

"Really, Susannah, I am not. And also, he acts like a _burro _with me, and you say it is sweet? Kind? I think not." The silvery figure folded his arms and ended with a righteous tone.

"He's just jealous that you're with me 24/7, you know how possessive he is of me. Kind of like you... hey! Maybe _that's _why you two don't get along!" Susannah added, knowing that this would infuriate him. "Be thankful it isn't like high school." There was an awkward silence as the two remembered when they were about to kiss, but were interrupted by David. It had never been mentioned again. Susannah's phone buzzed like a bee, and she was thankful for an escape.

"Suze, its Cee, get ready and come to the mall NOW. I don't care what you're doing, we're officially scrapping the 2pm plan. I will see you here no later than 11. Is that understood?"

"Hi Cee." The phone went dead on the other end, Susannah kept the phone held to her ear, "By Cee," Susannah said to the non-existent person on the other end. She looked up to find an expectant Jesse staring at her.

"So?"

"So, I'm going. It's supposed to be a surprise. Catch ya later." Susannah grabbed her phone, keys and coat calling, "Bye!" to Jesse without looking. She jumped into her tiny silver car (a gift for her 18th) and revved the engine. Her thoughts wandered to Jesse as she took the familiar route to the mall, which she had grown to love. Since Jesse had appeared in her room 4 years ago, Susannah had grown to love him too; although probably a little differently from how she loved the mall. She had tried to deny it but it was no use, it was inevitable. She was in love. But she couldn't let anything happen as long as she had her common sense. What could possibly happen if that kiss had been initiated? Marriage? Sex? _Children?_ They were almost impossible besides the fact that it would sound so tragic if she had gone ahead with it, 'Hey kids, my first time was with a ghost.' Life just didn't work like that. Which is why she wasn't with Jesse, he wasn't, isn't part of life. As if Susannah needed to blame anything else on Jesse. She knew he was the reason she was having an affair with Adam. Although she couldn't blame him entirely. If only it hadn't been Adam yesterday... _concentrate, _Susannah told herself sternly. But still she was unsure about Jesse's feelings towards her. She was so positive he loved her at one point, but if he did now, he didn't let anything on. She pulled the car up into a tight space, one of the only spaces left, far away from the entrance of the mall. It was a Tuesday. Tuesdays were never crowded, yet today it was so crowded Susannah wouldn't have been surprised if the police came to break up the crowd. _Maybe they're already here, _she thought amusedly. She found out why it was so crowded a minuet later when she stepped in through the clean automatic doors.

Cee Cee's face had been plastered everywhere, on banners, posters, there was even a card board life size version of her smiling widely, which Susannah was about to say hi to, despite the fact card board Cee Cee was wearing Safari style combats and a green tank top, looking extremely hardcore with two black painted lines on either cheek, like a tribe warrior. Susannah laughed loudly, relaxing at how familiar the place looked with Cee Cee everywhere. She was also holding a hat under her arm, the kind Steve Irwin might wear in his TV. programs. She craned her neck to have a look at where the crowd had formed. Sat down at a table with a camera flashing in her face and two stacks of identical books (her books) on either side of her, and with a semi-queue formed ahead of her, Cee Cee was signing books, wearing blue shirt and white jeans looking angelic, her violet eyes glittering in the sun. Her pale skin was flushed in excitement. She noticed that to Cee Cee's left a man was standing as a body guard, resembling an agent from men in black, complete with dark shades.

Barging through the crowd, Susannah grabbed a copy of the book and waved it up in the air, pushing everyone out of the way.

"Me! Me! Me! Sign mine oh wonderful Webb!" she screamed, mocking the crowd. Instantaneously, Cee Cee's head shot up to look straight at her,

"Suze, you're scaring everyone." Cee Cee said, attempting to look stern but obviously too excited, not that it would have worked on Susannah. "And you're late," she scolded, checking her watch and snatching the book from Susannah's hand.

"Yeah, by, like a minuet. Cee this is amazing! Everyone here worships you- why didn't you tell me? I would have at least worn something decent." She scrutinized her own clothes, disappointed at the not so glamorous choice. The body guard faced her directly and said reasonably,

"You look pretty fine to me," Adam's familiar voice surprised Susannah only slightly. It was so typical of Adam to go overboard and dress as a body guard in black. If he was winking she couldn't see (and she was thankful for it). She smiled at him briefly in thanks and instead asked Cee Cee,

"So what shall I do, Superstar?"

"Well you can start by buying a copy, reading it, then you can make a list of what you want me to get you when I become a millionaire." She carried on signing books as if it were second nature. Susannah picked up one of the books on the side again, examining the front cover. It was Cee Cee's secong book, and the first had had nowhere near as much hype about it as this one did. In the front cover, Cee Cee was standing in a group of poverty stricken children, wearing the same outfit as the one in the life size version (except she was wearing the Steve Irwin hat). All the kids were smiling up at a camera, their slightly tan looking skin making a great contrast with Cee Cee's ghostly pale skin. In the background was a rainforest with Cee Cee trekking through, there were other pictures too, like a collage, but the first was the biggest. The words emblazoned in white read, 'C.C. Webb's Discovering China'. The book was thick, included humour, adventure and had heart wrenching tales according to the blurb. She looked to happy in the pictures, investigating the world. Heck she looked ecstatic signing books. It made Susannah feel terrible for taking advantage of her absence with Adam. She shook her head, getting rid of the thought and went over to the bookstore nearby to buy the book. It didn't take her long to find it, since there were several stands dedicated to the book. She checked the price on her way to the till, 15 dollars! She was going to have to have words with Cee Cee about the price. The young boy at the till looked very familiar as Susannah barely glanced at him, still examining the book. _Wait a second, _she thought, _he looks too familiar. _She looked more closely. It was Jesse! Or at least Jesse's face, but it looked kind of alien. Susannah's eyes were wide with shock.

"What the..."

"You okay, lady?" and suddenly Jesse's boyish laugh rang out, but it wasn't coming from the boy, it was coming from Jesse, who had just stepped aside from where the boy was stood. The boy didn't look like Jesse at all anymore; of course, Jesse would love to scare Susannah like that. The ghost's eyes wrinkled at the edge in happiness. The boy at the till, "Sam", followed Susannah's glaring eyes to his left hand side.

"Seriously, lady, are you okay?"

"Huh? Yeah, there's just this really annoying bug beside you."

"I can't see anything."

"Mmmm. Aren't you Mr Lucky." Susannah mumbled sarcastically, handing over a 20. "Sam" scanned the book quickly and gave Susannah more change than she needed in his hurry to get her out of the shop. He looked completely freaked out by good ol' Suze Simon.

"Er, yeah, bye." He said nervously. Jesse was still laughing at Susannah's expression, like she needed to shout but couldn't since she was already branded crazy. The moment she was out of the shop, however, she swivelled to face Jesse who stopped laughing abruptly as she pushed his muscular frame away from her in irritation.

"What the hell Jess!" She squeaked. "You freaked the crap out of me, I thought you were alive or something." Jesse still looked amused. She gave him a playful punch on his arm and asked, "What're you doing here anyway?"

"Well you wouldn't tell me what was happening," he accused, "So I thought I would find out for myself. Cee Cee looks happy, yes?"

Susannah smiled in the direction of her friend. "Yes, she does." Jesse's brow furrowed interestedly.

"She looks good... no, great."

"Ookay, when you're out of crazy land you can go home."

"What if I don't want to?"

"I'll exorcise you." Susannah replied with a completely straight face. Jesse mocked fright but disappeared anyway. Susannah smiled at their playful banter, and enjoyed walking over to Cee Cee, and being able to tell people, "Yeah, I know her, she's amazing right? She's _my _best friend." She slammed her newly purchased book on the table. "Sign this one please Miss Webb." She requested politely.

"You seriously bought it? I was just kidding Suze! You get one for free."

"Ah well. But I have to complain," she lowered her voice to a whisper, "this is seriously overpriced Cee."

"Suze, shut up, I'm buying you a car for Christmas or Hanukah or whatever it is that you do, I never know.

"Ok," Susannah agreed, smiling goofily as though imagining her new car.

"Suze have you opened the book yet?"

"Um, No."

"Open it." Susannah did as instructed immediately.

"The pages are blank." She said in a dull voice.

"Duh, for printing purposes. Next page dummy."

She turned to page 3 and read, _Also for sale, Malaysian Merit, By C.C. Webb. Available in Audio." _

"So?" Susannah said.

"Page 4 Suze!" Cee Cee almost screamed in exasperation as she carried on signing the books, the queue of people looking at Cee Cee like their hero.

"Okay, okay!" Susannah started to read,

_This is dedicated to my best friend. My rock. The one who supported me with my ideas and encouraged me, the one who baby sat my dog and paid for my flight ticket first class when I couldn't afford it. To Susannah Simon, for being the best friend ever. _

Susannah could feel her eyes brimming with tears. "Oh, Cee! I _do _love you." Then she looked at the crowd. "Hey everybody, I'm Susannah Simon, the book 's dedicated to me!" She knew she sounded ridiculous, but Cee Cee let Susannah have her 5 seconds of fame. Everyone went quiet and stared at her. Then they went back to talking excitedly, completely ignoring her. Susannah looked dishevelled as she said, "Well at least I tried, right?"

"Right," Cee Cee laughed, but her attention was taken by a little Asian kid, who was 7 years old tops. Her skin resembled the colour of the kids on the front cover of the book, but with a bit more colour to it. She had long, black silky hair tied in a French plait down her back. She was wearing the sweetest pink sequined dress with puffy princess sleeves, and she was hugging Cee Cee's book like it was a life line, crushing her awesome sparkly silver glasses in the process. Her high voice spoke clearly but a little nervously.

"Hello Miss Webb! I- I'm Jessica Hunter. Can you sign my book please?" She handed over the book, sucking her breath as it nearly fell. She was treating it like the daintiest porcelain doll.

"Sure. Has anyone told you, Jessica, that you're just the cutest thing?" Jessica giggled and turned pink.

"Miss Webb, I love your books, they're my favourite."

"Really?"

"Yeah! Uh Huh!" she said earnestly, nodding her head madly as though if she didn't, Cee Cee would never believe her. "And you're the first celebrity _I _ever met." Cee Cee smirked up at Susannah, looking mischievous.

"Hear that, Suze? I'm a celebrity."


	3. Save My Spirit

_Dear pleasant readers of ff, _

_I think it's been an age since I updated, but I have been unbelievably busy, as well as not liking how I set out this chapter although I know exactly what I want to be put on it. Anyway, to those who have reviewed thank you so much, I haven't had time to reply to my cousin's emails, let alone yours. But know that I acknowledge and appreciate your interest in this story. _

_To those who have asked how I am... I'm very stressed out, exams are peaking in difficulty and work is piling up- this is sort of my getaway. Otherwise, I'm great! I hope everyone is well and enjoying reading this fic. It's not very long, but I think it's a really important chapter. _

_Have fun reading this oneX _

_P.S. I wrote that^^ in December and stopped midway through the chapter, you might notice when I did so. I am __extremely__ angry at my younger brother right now and seeing as I'm snowed in and I can't get to any tennis courts, this seems to be the best outlet for frustration. _

_Disclaimer: I don't own anything from the mediator series. Although some ideas do remain mine._

**Save My Spirit**

A delicate smile played on Susannah's face- the afternoon sun was orange behind the endless velvet navy sea. The sky had been painted in reds, pinks and yellows; and yet the beauty of it was not enough to distract Susannah. She was thinking of earlier that morning:

"Mr Jackson, might I remind you, you're perfectly able to bathe yourself." Susannah had said, her laugh barely being masked in her voice.

"What use is having a nurse, as good-looking as you, if you can't bathe me? It's your job!" This debate occurred every day Susannah went to work. Mr Jackson was a patient at Carmel General Hospital. A private patient in fact, who insisted on having a personal nurse with him at all times during his stays which were usually months at a time, the requested nurse happened to be Susannah Simon. His heart condition wasn't severe, but it was enough to keep him close to a bed and buzzer. "Besides," he continued with a smoke abused throaty voice, "Having you lean over me every day is about one of the only things I come to this hospital for."

"Yeah, sure, getting your medication and not being able to live on your own for too long doesn't have anything to do with it."

"It's what I keep telling the Doc."

A low chuckle escaped Susannah's carmex covered lips. The purple scrubs she wore smelled fresh since Kim Jaderson puked up all over her when she was told she had to go into surgery and get her appendix taken out. On Susannah's feet were white Crocs- just about the ugliest shoes she had ever encountered, but they were also very comfy, and they were obligatory for Nurses and Surgeons.

It had been relaxing and clean when she woke up; the covers had felt silkily soft on her feet... this was her favourite time of the morning. Nothing had started; you were still allowed to be a child, allowed to keep your eyes closed for one more second...

Mornings like that weren't available very often. It was a good omen that she was woken up in this way; which is why whilst she had been holding on to Mr Jackson's wheelchair, pushing the man towards the bathroom, she felt good. She felt warm, and the cleanliness of the hospital wasn't, as most people described, cold or unwelcoming. She felt at home- organised and at peace.

Up until her employer walked in and she was snapped back to the present.

"Suzie-Q!" A deep mischievous, smiling voice said. Mr Jackson chuckled.

"Hey Dr. Slater." Susannah was immediately discouraged. Lately, she and Paul had been doing really well with their relationship but there were two reasons for her dismay. First, it had only been two days ago that Paul had discovered her dirty little secret. Second, whenever Paul called her 'Suzie-Q' he was in one of his... hormonal moods. Although she couldn't quite figure out how a 26 year old could still have an imbalance in his hormones.

Unlike the rest of the newly instated Doctors of Carmel General, Paul was wealthy even after all the student fees- which is why he was able to branch out into private work immediately, insisting on hiring me in the process.

Several other nurses were eyeing her with distaste at my special treatment. She didn't blame them. "How many times Suzie? It's Paul to you!" A perky little blonde nurse smiled at Paul in what Susannah supposed was meant to be a seductive way, except her teeth were chipped and yellowed. "No, you can't call me 'Paul' Nurse Hudson." He answered her unasked question. "Anyway," he continued, "Where's my favourite patient Suzie?" Paul winked- Susannah cringed.

"_Dr. _Slater, Mr Slater is-" Susannah was interrupted just then by the short squeak of Mr Slater's wheel chair against the shiny clean floors. "-right here."

Susannah handed Mr Jackson over to Nurse Hudson. She and the rest of the Nursing staff left the room as their pagers went off simultaneously.

"How're you doing Mr. Slater?" Paul asked patronisingly. Mr Slater grunted. "Okay, be like that. I'll see you Suze."

"Asshole." Mr Slater mumbled quietly. Susannah nodded appreciatively.

"Yeah..." but she wasn't thinking about how much of an ass Paul was sometimes, that was just a given. What she really wanted was to ask Mr Slater something. "Listen," She began, "have you had a chance to look up what we... talked about... last week?" Mr Slater Sighed.

"Yeah. But kid, you might not wanna here this."

"Shoot. I'm ready." Susannah sat on one of the thin mattress beds, twirling Mr Slater's wheelchair so he could face her. His ice-cold blue eyes bit into her wavering emerald gaze.

"As you probably may have guessed already, ghosts are what we might describe as 'spirits'. And for a very long time, I was convinced this was true. Up till I was about 30 years old- I went on an expedition to Egypt as you know. I already had the information you needed last week, but, well my memory isn't what it was as you know.

"The scrolls I discovered in some of the tombs I had to decipher. Wasn't easy but I did it." Susannah was growing impatient, her leg jigging and shaking the whole bed. Mr Slater scowled at her and she stopped. "Anyway, the scrolls never said anything about spirits. They did mention, however, that the ghosts were in fact... memories." Mr Slater, triumphant, waited to see the reaction on Susannah's face. She looked at him incredulously.

"So?" Mr Slater looked offended.

"So?! So?! Don't you get it? Okay, maybe I should explain some more in case you're too thick to get it the first time!

"Memories, once they are created, have no beginning and no end, up till the person who carries that memory is dead. Stuck in Limbo for someone to recall, or see. We, mediators, are those who recall the memories, call them to us, and talk to them, like we're in some sort of huge permanent Memory Lane. Picture it like this: a long corridor, with an endless sky and a bottomless floor- nowhere. Doors line this never ending corridor. Each door is a memory. Someone's life- but only those who have already passed on. Every time we meet a ghost, we open one of these doors, and leave them open, up till we solve whatever the hell their problem is and get them out of our faces. Then the door is closed. That memory is rested.

"I think I already explained to you the Space/Time thing that shifters or "mediators" if you prefer, can do? Well now imagine for me that for each 'memory' a life is left behind. Because these memories are in limbo, the point between life and death, whether it be the millisecond between death and the final heartbeat, or the millionth of a second between a bullet piercing a brain and the same bullet just scraping the inner layer of the skull. This tiny space of time is paused for us. We can tell by the memories that are left behind. For the grieving families, they don't even notice this pause, because in the future, our present time, we solve the problem that keeps the memory lingering, allowing time to start up again. To the person who's just witnessed the death of someone whose memory is sure to linger later on, the 'memory's' problem has already been solved, which is why there is no gap in time, like someone holds the 'stop' button on a stopwatch for us to figure out the solution." Mr Slater paused to stare at Susannah's gormless face, her mouth hanging open slighting. "I know it's a difficult concept to wrap your head around... but..."

"No. No, I think I get it," Susannah smiled weakly, the gesture barely reaching her eyes. She hesitated briefly. "So... Jesse, for his family in the past, they moved on, because... someone solved the problem in the future?" Mr Slater nodded, "And... technically, if Jesse is a memory then... then he isn't dead- you said memories vanish when the person the memory belongs to dies." Susannah knew it was silly for her to sound hopeful, but she couldn't help herself.

Mr Slater Grimaced. "Strictly speaking, he is dead. But, yes, technically, until someone reaches the point where they can put him to rest, Jesse is not yet dead. Nor is he alive." He added strictly. "Now get me to my bed Nurse."

Susannah blinked a couple of times to remind herself that she was still meant to be working. She stood up straight, brushing a piece of lint from her purple scrubs, and took the handles of Mr Slater's wheelchair firmly with both hands, swivelling him out of the room.

Maybe, a voice in the back of her head said, just maybe, there was hope for Jesse.


	4. Back in My Day

_Dear ff readers,_

_This is the fourth chapter. I don't think that the story is going to last very many chapters, but at least this is the first fic that I planned out properly before I jumped into. Since I have left my unorganised ways behind me, I have decided to delete a couple of fics when I find the time and have enough courage. Those fics will be __**My Infatuation**__, __**Dark Stars**__ and __**It Doesn't Take a Genius**__. I probably won't delete them from my computer, and after working on them, I might release them back onto the site. But till then, I think I'll stick with this story and It Had Better Be. So, read, enjoy, and review please! :)_

_Disclaimer: I do not own any original mediator characters. _

**Back in My Day**

Paul Slater strode purposefully towards San Jose Public Library, just off San Fernando Street, his feet clad in black shiny Hugo Boss shoes- probably the only man in miles to wear Hugo Boss shoes on a Saturday morning. His icy blue eyes had spotted Susannah's silver 2002 Honda Civic EX 2-door Coup, parked opposite the library and he grinned to himself. He knew he was always good at the James Bond style spying. Students from San Jose State University walked all around him, the young women staring up at his Ray Ban covered face in awe, all blushing characteristically; the men sizing him up, glancing as nonchalantly as they could at his biceps. A smirk came to Paul's face as he pushed the tinted sleek, albeit dirty, glass door to the Public Library of San Jose. His eyes flickered back to his Z3 BMW black car- students were already fawning all over its waxed, hard, cold surface.

He didn't have to think twice about where to look for the glimmering chestnut headed woman; because he had been here before. In fact he had been to almost all the libraries he could whenever he could, probably in search of the same thing as Susannah. Up the flight of oak stairs, take a left turn, and look down isle 14, right at the furthest and most disused corner of the library. If she wasn't there, he would wait for her to turn up. Not that they'd made any sort of appointment- in fact she probably didn't want to see him all. He was pretty sure she wouldn't react very well to seeing him; yet his clear arrogance was one of the things that made his confidence infectious and, in this instance, made him stride purposefully towards the mane of sleek brown hair.

"Suze?" he said, although he knew it was her, just so that he didn't scare her. Nonetheless, she jumped and squealed, her hand launching to cover her probably fast beating heart.

"Paul," she said incredulously, "what the hell are you doing here?"

"What, so now I can't go and browse in the libraries of California? What about you?"

"Er... ditto." Her voice was defiant and she was regaining her usual attitude. Paul gazed into her bright green eyes, wondering just what she was up to, although he knew he could make a pretty accurate guess.

"What are you up to Susannah?" he said in a curious voice, suggesting that, yet again, he was not unknowledgeable of her inner-most thoughts. Susannah sighed, slightly dramatically Paul thought, and she lowered the book in her hands, simultaneously sitting down gently at one of the many desks surrounding the bookcases. Paul followed suit. His ice blue eyes warmed as they took in her worried features. If only he was the one who could comfort her. Love her.

"I was talking to your grandfather." Paul refrained from sighing- his granddad was always putting silly ideas in people's heads. "and he was explaining stuff about ghosts I've never known before. He told me that... well that Jesse was technically neither dead nor alive. He said it's only his memory that has been passed on." Susannah was trying to explain the best she could without rambling, but now her excitement seemed to bubble over, making her words run into each other in her haste to tell Paul. They weren't sixteen any more, he couldn't stop her. She took a deep breath and stared at his questioning eyes, "I'm going to go back in time Paul. I'm going to save Jesse from dying."

Even though he had been expecting it, Paul felt as though he had been punched in the gut. Here was yet another incident whereby he was reminded of how strong Susannah's love for Jesse was. Now his face felt like a mask. He felt his eyes turn cold once more. But still he couldn't hate Jesse. He made Susannah happy. Just his presence was enough to make Susannah's spirits lift. Even Paul knew... they weren't sixteen anymore, he couldn't exactly stop her. Susannah was stubborn -obsessive even - she wouldn't stop 'till she got what she wanted. Or maybe... "No." He said, assuredly. Susannah's face contorted into something between anger and confusion,

"What? No, Paul, you can't stop me! If I know a way to bring him back-"

"No," he interrupted her again. She looked scandalised, "No, Suze, you misunderstand. I won't let you go back in time. It's just too dangerous. You know it is, you know the repercussions of going back, it- it can kill you." Paul hesitated slightly, hating himself even as the words tumbled out. "I'll go back."

"W-what?" Susannah's mouth dropped open in complete shock."

Paul took a deep breath; he couldn't change his mind now. "I'll go back in time and save Jesse for you."

"But... but you hate him Paul. And you just said: there are serious repercussions!"

"No, I... I don't hate his Suze." Paul sighed, closing his eyes as he did so as though in pain. "No matter how I react Suze, I don't hate him. And you already know I lov-"

"Don't say it!" Susannah's eyes were now wide and panicked. Paul nodded.

"Suze, I would do anything for you. Anything. There is nothing in this world that would please me more than for you to be happy."

"Paul... that's why I can't let you do this, it's just unfair on you."

"I can't let you be in danger," his voice was low and determined now. "I won't let you."

"Paul- " but he cut her off:

"No- Susannah I am going to go back and bring him to you. Ok? Besides, I've done this before." Susannah hesitated, but with great difficulty bowed her head in agreement. Paul knew he had always been a great liar.

"So," Susannah began, "When will you do it?"

"As soon as I find everything I need." He may never have travelled through time, but he certainly knew the theory behind it all.

Paul started to get up, but then realised (with a sickening feeling) that he could find everything he needed from Susannah. Awkwardly he sat back down, Susannah looked confused. "Er- is there anything that, um, you have that belongs to... to Jesse?" His voice getting higher with each word.

Susannah blushed deeply and looked down at her fiddling hands. She nodded. Of course she had something of Jesse's. She was obsessive at times, Paul already knew that.

"It's a picture. Or a painting actually, of him."

"Where is it?" Paul said in a business like tone.

"My room."

"Let's go."


End file.
